Most of Your Efforts are Wasted. Here’s the Framework to Fix It.
During the first week of this semester I had a miserable experience at a party. It felt like everyone but me was enjoying themselves and I sensed everyone’s attention was on my awkward body language. It got so bad. I wrote in my journal that I was “questioning why people want to be friends with me or what they liked about me.”
I then tried something socially abnormal. After getting over myself, I wrote a reflection on the party: What happened? Why did it happen? What will I do differently next time?
The next party I went to, I remembered my reflection, re-read what went wrong, and approached it differently. I ended up having a historically splendid time.
The first party made me realize that by not reflecting, I was doomed to waste the opportunity to avoid making the same mistake again. I’ve developed this idea into a framework I follow to ensure no effort is wasted.
I encourage you, dear reader, to follow along carefully and do this with me.
Reflect + Act Framework
1) Complete an activity
Start with a recent activity you’ve completed. For this example, I’ll use my party reflection.
2) Write the observations of what happened during the activity
What went well?
I was authentic about my feelings towards some people
There were a few people I met that I genuinely connected with
What went wrong?
I felt awkward dancing
I was bored
I responded in ways that made me seem insecure
3) Analyze what happened
Why did it go well?
I was able to connect with people in 1-1 conversations
I had the confidence to be myself and defend my opinions
Why did it go wrong?
I didn’t have anything to do when I was bored
I didn’t drink and felt out of place
I was too serious
4) Extract actionable feedback for next time
What will I do differently next time?
Prepare activities to do when I am bored
Be playful. Respond with “yes, and…” instead of “no, but…”
Come in with the mindset that I am there to meet people I can have a genuine connection with
You can ask your favorite LLM to help you with this step
5) Store this inside your second brain
Place this in a designated folder or link to it in a way that makes it easy to find. For every area of my life, I have a file that includes all the feedback I’ve given myself.
6) Next time you do the activity, review your reflection from last time
The next party I went to, I made a list of challenges to do at the party (get a date for my roommate, teach a line-dance, get someone to bark for me) and maintained a playful mindset.
If you followed along with me, how much better at that activity do you think you would be next time?
For this specific case, I felt a night and day difference, but even if you think you’ll improve by only 1%, compounded over the course of weeks/months/years, that is a huge gain. You’d be moving toward the point where none of your efforts are wasted.